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      • SINGLE: Only a Holy God
      • SINGLE: Have You Heard?
      • SINGLE: We Are One (In the Father's Love)
      • SINGLE: A Lullaby Prayer
      • SINGLE: You Are God
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        • Jesus Strong and Kind
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Becoming [truly] Broken

11/2/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
Growing up as a good kid who always did what was expected of me, there is another attribute of myself that I am running from and have been running from my entire life. I tried everything I could to cover it up and pretend it wasn’t there. The fact is I have a rotten heart. On my own, I am in full rebellion against God at all times. My flesh, what makes me who I am, my personality and desires all constantly scream against God.

Each day I would try to do better. To be kinder. To be more sensitive to others. As a Christian, those are things I should be doing anyway, right?
 
Isn’t that God’s will for us – that we be more like Jesus and less like a sinner?
 
The past few weeks have been quite a journey of self-discovery for me. As I have stated before, the self I was finding was not what I was expecting and more disheartening than encouraging. I did not find a sense of peace from the self I discovered. What I unearthed was a crafty, duplicitous, conniving, malicious and conceited monster. And I can be honest and tell you that I am not enjoying these things. I grew miserable and very aware of how unlovely I am.
 
Thankfully, Romans 5:8 says that Christ came and died for me knowing full well my potential for evil. While I was still a sinner, before I could try to clean up my life and do good, He came and died for me.
 
My Father brought to mind Philippians 4:13. Let me remind you of the context. Paul was struggling with one of those “respectable” sins we look over so easily. He had learned that even with all the riches of his upbringing (3:4-6) or after losing everything, He could be content. He would not complain. Is complaining really that bad? I mean, it’s not like I am rebelling against God or anything.
 
I believe my misery stems from the fact that even as a Christian I am still not ok with being a sinner. As I read through Bridges’ Respectable Sins and Ephesians with our team, I see more and more how deeply rooted my sin lies. In my heart I want to just be a good person without needing God every day to do anything good.
 
What God has reminded me of is that, yes, my sin, no matter how acceptable it has become in society and even among Christians, is always labeled as sin. It is, in its essence, rebellion against God. I had just found that my heart had become desensitized to rebellion in its most subtle forms.
 
But praise God I can come to Him as I am! Do I have bitterness and strife in my heart? I can repent and know that He hears me and wants me to come. I can come to Him with my heart, no matter how selfish and proud and repent, knowing He will forgive me. And this is the grace of living a truly broken life. Knowing how thoroughly stained I am with sin and not running from His exposing light. 
2 Comments
Gordie
4/20/2016 05:26:56 pm

Thanks so much, sister, for sharing so honestly! I can sure relate.

For anyone reading this open and honest look at a heart that is often selfish rather than God-pleasing, if you, too, can identify with this, take heart! As Aaron reminded us last night, as believers we have the Holy Spirit to help us, and the Law of the Spirit can OVERCOME the Law of the Flesh, just like the Law of Aerodynamics can overcome the Law of Gravity to get a 500-ton airplane to go UP! God is FAR more powerful than what it takes to get that plane off the ground!

So, sister, all ... again I say, TAKE HEART! The clay, however imperfect it is, that hops up onto the Master Potter's wheel willingly and humbly, and resolves to stay there (even if it doesn't do it perfectly), He will work with and improve and make beautiful -- even from the heart out -- over time as you choose to walk with Him and actively fill your mind and heart with truth, and ask Him for help and wisdom.

But be PROACTIVE and diligent to seek that help, to find others who will disciple you, to choose wisely what you put before your eyes, fill your mind and thoughts with, and let your heart focus on. And be patient; the work is sometimes slow and can be hard. Don't give up -- God knows what it takes to move you along in maturity and become more like Jesus. His wisdom is deep and perfect, and His love for you is great! You will be amazed and so thankful as you see His work in your life, though you won't always understand His timing or His ways. Expect that, too!

Along the lines of being proactive, one recommendation I have is to read Chip Ingram's book "Good to Great in God's Eyes", and of course to read the Bible daily and as being more important than even food or air. God is incredibly kind and patient with those who diligently and humbly seek Him, even if they do so imperfectly. I've seen it many times and know it will be true for you as well. :)

Reply
Gordie
4/20/2016 05:28:20 pm

Thanks so much, sister, for sharing so honestly! I can sure relate.

For anyone reading this open and honest look at a heart that is often selfish rather than God-pleasing, if you, too, can identify with this, take heart! As Aaron reminded us last night, as believers we have the Holy Spirit to help us, and the Law of the Spirit can OVERCOME the Law of the Flesh, just like the Law of Aerodynamics can overcome the Law of Gravity to get a 500-ton airplane to go UP! God is FAR more powerful than what it takes to get that plane off the ground!

So, sister, all ... again I say, TAKE HEART! The clay, however imperfect it is, that hops up onto the Master Potter's wheel willingly and humbly, and resolves to stay there (even if it doesn't do it perfectly), He will work with and improve and make beautiful -- even from the heart out -- over time as you choose to walk with Him and actively fill your mind and heart with truth, and ask Him for help and wisdom.

But be PROACTIVE and diligent to seek that help, to find others who will disciple you, to choose wisely what you put before your eyes, fill your mind and thoughts with, and let your heart focus on. And be patient; the work is sometimes slow and can be hard. Don't give up -- God knows what it takes to move you along in maturity and become more like Jesus. His wisdom is deep and perfect, and His love for you is great! You will be amazed and so thankful as you see His work in your life, though you won't always understand His timing or His ways. Expect that, too!

Along the lines of being proactive, one recommendation I have is to read Chip Ingram's book "Good to Great in God's Eyes", and of course to read the Bible daily and as being more important than even food or air. God is incredibly kind and patient with those who diligently and humbly seek Him, even if they do so imperfectly. I've seen it many times and know it will be true for you as well. :)

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